It's ironic that my last post, entitled "Quick Update: Writing is Exhausting", was also my first lapse in daily blogging. I've sort of dropped the ball on this whole blogging thing.
It's kind of the same idea as with New Year's Resolutions. The idea of doing something is so damn gratifying, and for a few moments, just the idea will carry you through. But as the days wear on, that initial enthusiasm wanes, and all it takes to derail you is a few too many drinks at night, or a long day of work.
So, to all of my readers (there are like, 15 of you, maybe), sorry. Even though I was super busy with Sundance, even though I am inexplicably emotionally exhausted and can't motivate myself to do anything, let alone write, I should have written. If not for you, then for myself, because I think a lot of my stress over this past week-and-a-half has come from getting used to writing everyday, and then stopping.
The hardest part about it all is that the more days that pass, the harder it is to fix it all. Even though no one but myself is holding me accountable, once I give in for one day, it's like a giant wall pops up between me and my goals. Same thing goes for correspondence with old friends, or doing thatthing you said you'd do for your buddy but haven't yet and 5 years pass and you still haven't done it so you just don't mention it anymore when you hang out but that awkward tension creeps into every interaction you have . . . I think I get why people become alcoholics, because after years of putting off responsibility, the weight must be unbearable.
I've also felt a little hopeless lately. Not necessarily for myself, but for so many people around me. They seem to be sinking into something, but since neither they nor anyone else knows what, they can't figure out how to extricate themselves. A lot of it has to do with the new political administration, which seems to be flipping the bird to young people. It seems so short-sighted, favoring corporate interests and dying industries (see: coal, manufacturing jobs) over the well-being of future generations. It's created this atmosphere of negativity, and really dampened young people's hope for the future.
I think I should be fine, but it's still hard to feel good when everyone around you is scared.
So anyway, sorry I haven't written as much. I'll keep up with it more.